Ramadaniyat (V)

After a year of not practicing Yoga, I decided to start it again to expedite the healing process of my ribs, especially that now I feel much better and was able to perform some simple exercises. I asked some of my friends, who were waiting for me to get out of my cage, to join for a mutual benefit to all. And while I was preparing the room, one of my foreign friends, who was on her way to my place called, she was shouting hysterically on the phone that I couldn’t understand a word. I tried to calm her down, so that I get to know what was her problem.

Apparently; a bearded guy dressed like a local, in a nearby car on a traffic light, was giving her lustful looks and erotically wetting his lips with his tongue and, at the same time appeared to be masturbating on broad Ramadan daylight.
And because of not smoking all day, since she was coming directly from her office to my place, my friend was furious for being forced to respect the rituals of Ramadan while a Moslem born did not respect it.

The minute she got in, she lit a cigarette and collapsed enjoying its fumes on the sofa. This was a bit surprising, because I know my friend can go days without smoking, she actually never carried a box of cigarettes in her purse, why do it now?

We were educated in our schools that Fasting teaches patience, but this failed reality check, why? It is natural for us to desire what we are deprived of, even if that was for a short time. Those hormones that develop, not everyone is capable of holding them at bay. It needs a saint, but not everyone is a saint.

Therefore I may say that it may teach some people patience, but not all. The pervert who is deprived of sex is no different than my friend who is deprived of her cigarette.

This incident brought to mind many similar ones associated with recklessness specifically in Ramadan. Now I know that perverts do not belong to any specific ethnic group, but why do they multiply in Ramadan?
And I think it’s a serious matter to ponder through. What is different about Ramadan that makes people behave the way they do?

In my opinion, social restrictions associated with religion are more exerted in Ramadan. People who drink all year long, stop during Ramadan, parties precede and end it.
I believe that deprivation is the main cause. The more restricted is a society; the more perverts it produces. Ramadan is a holy month, and it’s natural for a Moslem to exert more pressure on himself, and it also natural for him to experience more desires.

By the same concept; one could compare a closed society to that of a more open society. And therefore conclude that; in closed societies, perverted behaviors tend to mount. And the more restricted is the society, the more unethical it becomes.

Restrictions can take many forms, at it’s best; imposing 7ijab, imposing segregation of the sexes, banning alcohol and controlled prostitution, banning parties, not permitting sexual education in schools, fuming against ruby’s behind, etc.

Now the mere thought of it brings shiver in the spine; how could open societies exert more moral values than closed ones.

It is evident through statistics and media, that open European and American societies have much more problems dealing with ethics than that of the more closed Islamic societies. Yet, one should not discard the fact that these statistics are not fair in the comparison; open societies tend to give more accurate statistics while closed societies keep them secretive. Open societies deal with problems openly, while closed societies like an ostrich buries it’s heads into sand. And by the way the ostrich does that to cool himself, but closed societies do it out of terror to admit the reality.
It is much harder to deal with a problem openly, you need to have some form of organization through state rules and regulations, and it’s much easier to just forget about it and pretend it’s not there.
Well, this is my opinion, what is yours?

But the nicest thing about my friend’s story with the pervert
Is that when she stepped out of her car, in the parking lot, she told him with a twisted tongue” hada allah, hadah, haram, hada Ramadan, mo aib Moslem? 🙂


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ummel3yal
    Oct 03, 2006 @ 13:00:26

    I agree that closed and coservative societies are less willing to share information and deal with social problems in the open. Child molestation, domenstic violence and substance abuse are clear examples.

    That makes the role of support groups and helplines more crucial.

    I do not agree though that lack of information may lead us to think that industrial societies have similar rates of these social problems. Research in the US and Europe shows that teens with religeous backgrounds and solid value system as less likely to have unprotected sex, teen pregnancy, substance abuse and are less prone to peer pressure. Something that is echoed in my personal observations within the Western society in Kuwait. They prefer bringing up theirs kids (teens in particular) in Kuwait than in their homeland.

    What is your take on that?


  2. bosale7
    Oct 03, 2006 @ 14:21:46

    للاسف بعض البشر ينقلبون حيوانات بشهر رمضان …..الغريبة مو هذي التصرفات الاغرب هو البوق والغش اللي حاربهم اساس التشريع ونها عنهم اكثر من حديث ….تلاقين الغش حلالي برمضان من كل نوع …والبوق على مستوى اعلى …..من كل حدب وصوب …
    اقري مقال الحساوي بالراي العام اليوم وانتي تعرفين معنى الاعتراف بالهزيمة من قبل احد اعمدة الاسلاميين ….يعترف انه التدين شي والمظهر الديني شي اخر ….ويعترف انه مع ازدياد الصحوة زاد الفساد …. راي لو قاله واحد غيره جان ما خلو فيه شي صاحي ويمكن اخرجوه من الملة ..

    مشكلتنا التناقض …

    انا اقترح علاجي نفسي شامل لكل المجتمع …. يبيله علاج نفسي ..



  3. NewMe
    Oct 03, 2006 @ 16:43:58

    “but why do they multiply in Ramadan?”

    & i am not going to cover up!!!
    Ramadhan is all about challenging your inner desires…
    i am only trying to help 😛

    have a great day Ayya
    enjoyed reading


  4. AyyA
    Oct 03, 2006 @ 17:59:32

    Here I did not address closed societies associating it to religion as such, more of the restrictions associated with religion, I agree when a society is not set by ethics in its environment, no distinctive state rules and regulations, and no solid beliefs and good upbringing at home, the society is lost. What I was talking about were the statistics that are not available for one to be compared to the other. There is no perfect society though, but open societies have to exert more understanding and pressure to organize it. Now if we compare US society with Canadian society; I would prefer raising my kids in the Canadian society although both are open, yet one is more organized than the other.
    Let’s have an example as raising children since both of us have gone through this experience. Would you raise your children by forbidding them to do whatever you perceive wrong by using carrot and stick method, that’s very easy to do, no? Or would you rather raise them with ethics and leave them in the world to resume their responsibilities when they are ready to do so? Now that takes a lot of effort, time and understanding from your part as a parent. And I believe that you are from the second type and do understand what I mean.
    Same goes with open societies, lots of responsibilities at home, school, environment.
    Now teenage years are dangerous years that is true, and it should be given special attention, and we have many teenage problems that have gone unnoticed. Raising a kid in closed society does not guarantee that he’ll be a responsible citizen.
    And where would we find such shrink?
    If one is challenging those desires out of belief, then here comes the power of will. But if he is doing it because he has to be a part of his society, then chances are that he’d flip.


  5. Proletarian
    Oct 04, 2006 @ 07:44:18

    Religion is not the source of ethical values, human nature is. The main problem in our society is that we think all ethics comes from religion only. Have you seen the discussion in KM blog?! It is pathetic how well educated people have such narrow minded. I guarantee you that most of these guys are consider to be liberals in the Kuwaiti standard! If these guys are our liberals them how about the rest?! It is really sad to see such wasted minds…
    About that guy… loool, I can not even imagine the situation …


  6. AyyA
    Oct 04, 2006 @ 12:57:11

    Religion and ethics was the subject of my first Ramadaniyat, you may be interested to read some commentator’s reactions here

    As for liberals of Kuwait, I have been disappointed long back at how some preach what they don’t practice, especially when it comes to dealing with Islamists.


  7. Hanan
    Oct 04, 2006 @ 15:09:34

    Discipline, not religion, is needed. Especially in the early formation years, and even more so during adolescence.

    But discipline should be grownded in an ability to rethink one’s rules and regulations as to what is permitted and not permitted. Societies change and progress and changing one’s rules and regulations is a vital and natural result of that. As such, set religiously motivated moral issues of wrong and right do not seem to work very well with a constantly changing society.

    Moreoever, even in a dicipline of set rules and regulations, it is not fear that should be the motive behind the choices that children (or adults) make. How can we raise our children in a way that makes them see that it is not punishment that should deter them from doing wrong? How do you actualy instill in a child the desire to do good and avoid bad? I don’t like threats and punishments. I don’t like bribes either. But I find myself constantly using both methods with my boys. How different is my method of grounding the boys for their wrong-doing, or holding back their allowance or such, from the divine method of heaven and hell?

    Oh and salamat. How did yu hurt yourself? I haven’t been a very avid blogger lately and might have missed your mention of that.


  8. AyyA
    Oct 04, 2006 @ 17:26:32

    In brief I fell and injured a couple of ribs, not a too serious though, only a fracture. If you are interested to know more, here is the post, bas la teth7ikeen 3alai 🙂

    Glad to see you again here wi ma nistagna 3an your valuable insights.
    Yes punishment and reward can be used to some degree but not without understanding, children are much smarter than we credit them for, like when a child is punished, he should realize why, in a sense that he is convinced that you had done the right thing. He should realize why what he did was wrong, and not just punished because what he did was wrong, period. Moreover punishment and reward should be used as a final resort and to a certain age depending on the child’s personality.


  9. ummel3yal
    Oct 04, 2006 @ 20:33:21


    Well, isn’t that typical from liberal bourgeoisie? Contradicting and self-serving? You of all people should not be surprised 😉


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