Male Sex Psychology

Alfie; a funny character, a gigolo and a womanizer that you’d fall in love with despite his character, he flies from one female nest to another, trying to get what he wants from each with special skills and wits, he is not a bad guy though, he loves all his women; each to a certain degree.. or was it?

As I was watching this movie my mind drifted away and I started thinking, how many men I’ve met in my life that did not have a part of Alfie in him? And to my surprise; hardly any! And some stay an Alfie all their lives.

And as the over rated wedding night is a dream comes true for women, so is Alfie to most men. Or to put it in a different phrase; women go primitively into a relationship to get married …..period, while most men would only go for a fling and any sign of commitment drives them away, and the Casanova remains uncommitted until the day he finds himself paying to get just a company of a female, any female, and I have witnessed a few that ended pathetically.

And that thought diverted me to male sex psychology; why is it easy for most men to fall in love with more than one woman while women can’t? So I tried to put myself in their shoes to be able to see the other side of the fence, or better yet wear their shoes, take their rules and apply them to me; a woman.

What if I had dated two or three men separately at the same time? Where no one of them knew about the other, but mind you, it’s not like I’d make out with one and *(&) the other the day after, no, more like when one disappears for some reason or another, there is a replacement and therefore no psychological attachment to any.
And the result; I’m the strongest in all the relationships and nothing can make me commit to any one of them, they all go by my rules.

That paragraph above didn’t sound very comforting, did it? But remember whose shoe I’m having on, so bear with me a bit longer.

As a woman I strive for committing to one, I date one and he’s my main man, but I have to abide by the rule; if I stay with him long enough, I’ll eventually get attached, so what do I need?.. a distraction.

Some might say get more involved in your business or find a hobby or something, but that doesn’t quite work, I need an equal distraction, I need another man, and remember I did not date the first man long enough to be in love or anything, I’m just beginning to get attached.

And so I date another after fabricating a fight with the first. A new face, a new look, new friends and most importantly; a new experience which has its own joy.

And when I really miss the first, by hook or crock, I get him back. But this time I come back stronger because I have guaranteed his replacement in case things did not work between us.

But as I stay longer with him my initial fear of attachment starts to grow again, so I start looking for… distraction or a new one.

Could this be the reason behind the pagan that a man is emotionally equipped to have more than one wife and to be able to love them equally while woman can’t?

Could it be that between a handful of women a man dates he cares for all of them to a certain degree but psychologically is attached to one that he subconsciously fears and that’s why he has to keep himself …..distracted?

Does that explain why some happily married men still keep mistresses?

Is that why some other men panic at the first sign of commitment? Is it because they’re more committed mentally than what they want to believe?

Any brainstorming here?

30 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. shosho
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 04:11:00

    Dear Ayya,
    Men have no psche, period. Therefore no sex psychology theories can explain their nonsensical mating habits.

    You mentioned that women can’t fall in love with more than one man, and I vehemently disagree.

    I am sure in each and every female there is a Samantha, an Alfie’s counterpart, that is waiting to be released from bondage.

    Marriage and all the wedding paraphernalia are methods employed to force women to curb their Samanthian side, and to dupe them into believing that they are supposed to end up with the one and only mr.right, which is utter b*ll sh*t.

    Mr.Right is a supernatural notion, an ideal, a figment created and perpetuated by patriarchal societies to force women into monogamy and thus secure a clear lineage that makes the distribution of wealth easy and hassle-free. And what’s the sacrifice? – Women’s bodies.

    In short, and this goes to all women, date as many as you like, and whomever diagrees, yerga3 rasa bel 6oofa!

    (evil shoshoian snigger)


  2. Purgatory
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 06:42:00

    Can I have my shoes back?


  3. AyyA
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 16:18:00

    LOL Shosho
    You cracked me up, but I wonder how many women especially from this region have your mentality 😉

    In a way I’m enjoying your shoes, I think I want to keep if for a while 😉


  4. TariqKhonji
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 16:32:00

    “women go primitively into a relationship to get married …..period”

    While this is true for a lot of women (perhaps most) I’ve known many many women to whome this statement would not apply at all.
    In fact, I’ve known a couple of women who’ve dated four or five guys at the same time and some of the guys even knew about each other but let it go.

    As to why men do it…I think men like variety 😉
    And also, its pretty normal for a guy to try his chances with two, three, ten, even 15 women at the same time…it doesn’t mean he’s going to be successful with all of them…he may, if he’s lucky, get two or three of them. So it becomes a choice of whether to let opportunities pass or, when they present themselves at eth same time, go for both.

    A woman on the other hand would have better chances (almost any woman is guaranteed to get a guy almost any night of the year if she puts a litte effort into it…and perhaps nine out of ten guys would go for almost any woman who showed interest. I remember that I once went on a work trip to Turkey with a bunch of people. There was a Bahraini guy (who I happen to know has a really gorgeous wife back home) who kept on hitting on this woman in our party who was…less than attractive to be politically correct. I kept thinking…why are you doing this? Is it worth it getting back to your wife? Even if you were single you should have better taste, but when you’re married? After all there were about 15 other people from Bahrain there. He even bragged to me that this woman he was hitting on told him: “why would a person like you go for someone like me?”
    And he looked her straight in the eye (aparently, I wasn’t there) and told her with a straight face “Because you’re beautiful.”

    Some of it is ego. There have been times when I’ve failed to tell women in time that I’m not interested, partly because its difficult, but also because it makes me feel good to know for sure that they were interested.

    But I think it’s also because men tend to be more animalistic than women, who are more selective.


  5. TariqKhonji
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 17:32:00

    OK let, me elaborate on this:

    “Some of it is ego. There have been times when I’ve failed to tell women in time that I’m not interested, partly because its difficult, but also because it makes me feel good to know for sure that they were interested.”

    I’m not sadistic and in fact until recently I didn’t even know I was doing it. But ego has something to do with it, I’m sure from analysing my behaviour and most of my friends’. Men like to know that they can get girls if they want tried. That’s one of the reasons men do see if they’ve still got it.


  6. AyyA
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 18:32:00

    “Some of it is ego. There have been times when I’ve failed to tell women in time that I’m not interested, partly because its difficult, but also because it makes me feel good to know for sure that they were interested”
    This statement above reminded me of last summer in Marbella with a Kuwaiti gorgeous male friend who was with us on our vacation. This guy could have had any beautiful Brazilian women who were all around us, but he was attracted to a courageous Arab girl whom was with a women only group. When we encouraged him to try his luck with her, another, less than attractive girl of the same group got hooked to him and she introduced him to her group. His intentions were and stayed the attractive girl, but the other girl was all over him, this became a nightmare for him and he bore us with his moaning and complains about her stupidity and her bad smell, until one day he surprised us all by saying that he slept with her and that he does not know why he did it.

    And that got me thinking; would I do that if I were him? Would I go for a man just because he is all over me? Never, I would kill myself if that happened especially if I was not attracted to him.

    And being a man or women would not make much difference if we are talking about chances; we are talking about Marbella where the most beautiful girls are around for a gorgeous Khaleeji guy to just pick.
    Now where does ego come here?

    And another thing I would like to add is that girls also like variety. Read Shosho’s comment above.


  7. Jewaira
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 19:04:00

    I think it is a fallacy to believe that only men are philanderers and women can only love one man at a time.

    I do believe it depends on the personality and general upbringing and beliefs of the person.

    There are some men who cannot envision themselves with any one but their own true love. Perhaps these are the men that ‘go’ early- they are committed in long term relationships before anyone has a chance to find them!

    The ones who are left are those that like to play around. Some remain forever single; others marry to fulfill societal obligations and satisfy their egos (wife, children, home) and continue to roam, looking for more pleasure.

    Women are traditionally more constrained by society and values but that does not mean that given equal status women would not play the field just as enthusiastically as her male counterpart…if that was part of her personality.


  8. Elegance
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 19:11:00

    Ayya: Thank you for bringing this interesting issue up in the surface. Nice experience to be in men’s shoes, hah? I can’t agree more with shosho.
    As for Tareq I’d like to tell him that we, women, also like variety… who doesn’t? Oh and by the way, we have ego as well… who doesn’t want to feel beautiful and attractive to the opposite sex? After all we are human being you know!
    I’ll share a little story here: I was traveling to Italy with my American girl friends. One night, while clubbing, the only married girl was being hit on by this gorgeous Italian guy, so we all went: go girl… go and get him… she was astonished by his beauty too… I mean he was GORGEOUS. But she stopped herself, by saying: I wouldn’t do something to my husband that I wouldn’t like him to do to me, so I guess that means NO . The intention was there, but she couldn’t go through with it, out of respect to their holy bond. Now this is the key word RESPECT…. Here you have the difference between most men and most women (note that I’m not generalizing here). I also believe that this idea is enhanced by our societies. Why do we look different at a cheating wife than a cheating husband, when both are betraying the holy matrimony?
    Purgatory: How do your purgatorian shoes look like?


  9. AyyA
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 19:16:00

    “There are some men who cannot envision themselves with any one but their own true love. Perhaps these are the men that ‘go’ early- they are committed in long term relationships before anyone has a chance to find them! “

    Well do you know any? I personally don’t. and as a friend once said” the only faithful man is the one that allah ma gu6 wa7dah bint kalb fi 6reejah”


  10. AyyA
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 19:20:00

    Sorry the last comment was in reply to lady J


  11. Purgatory
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 20:07:00

    you have to pay me for using my shoes.

    Elegance, big.


  12. ArtFiNaLe
    Sep 26, 2005 @ 20:16:00

    We simply love women, what can i say 🙂


  13. TariqKhonji
    Sep 27, 2005 @ 07:43:00

    AyyA, the story you described supports my theory about men being more animalistic. It’s harder for most of them to say no to a girl that is offering herself to them.

    I’m not denying that women like variety too, but I’d say that this tends to be more true for men than for women, whether its because of genes or societal upbringing.
    Also, women’s bodies change much more over their lifetimes than men’s (hormones and so on) and this makes a difference. From my observations, women who play the field are usually between the ages of 18 to 25…then maternal insticts kick in and they feel that they have to settle down. Something similar happens to men too, but at a later age and not as intensely. Women actually feel like they want to have children.
    BUT, when they are older, like in their early to mid-30s, they seem to have a stronger sexual apetite again…


  14. Misguided
    Sep 27, 2005 @ 08:06:00

    Dear AyyA,

    Perhaps it is hard to lump and generalize issues of intimacy and relationships into MEN and WOMEN. For though most of us want to believe that… it is hard to apply to any individual.

    I subscribe to Nietchze’s view..that each of us has a personal history and continually evolves from there….But, I will entartain your premise and try to give you my take on why infidelity occurs.

    Alfie is a fictional character. I do not know of a Man capable of loving two women. Including the more premiscuos of my friends.

    Let me just say this… infedilty occurs when one believes that there is no sin involved with the action.
    When one defines sin as hurting someone he cares for … well then “Concealed infidelities, doing no injury, could be no crimes.”

    This is probably accurate for both sexes. The quote above is from Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who describes how a married woman was convinced to cheat on her husband, by the exact same premise.



  15. mishari26
    Sep 28, 2005 @ 14:35:00

    Dear Ayya,

    I’m new here and I adore the eloquence of your style.

    My views most likely will clash with everyone here so no worries, I have my flame-suit on and activated 🙂

    I think that since men and women are physiologically different, its a little naiive to expect them to be identical mentally. Now hold on! before you drive your wooden sticks of feminist-hatred through my male-chauvinistic heart, hear me out please.

    I’m not saying one is better than the other, because being better or worse is relative to what is good and what is bad.

    One could say “in general”, males are more wilderness-survival oriented, while women are “again in general” more empathic and love to enjoy life more..etc you know all the stereo-types and I dont have to repeat them.

    Are all those stereotypes false? I’m not sure maybe some of them are some arent. But I can certainly see patterns in behavior that separate men from women all over the world.

    I believe men are more prone to seek relations with more than one woman, and that women are less likely to do the same. That is an observation. Not a proclamation that this is fair or otherwise.

    Maybe, just maybe, these deeply rooted tendencies arise from our original physiological design itself.

    Love leads to sex (hopefully) and sex leads to babies (if you’re stupid like most people) right?

    I’m sorry women, but its your bodies which will be left with the baby. You got that little boy/girl for 9 months then you’ll be his/her mother for the rest of its life, and you’re less likely to leave it than his father is (statistics, sadly).

    Maybe this physical catch in the male-female relationship equation skews each gender’s stakes coming into it.

    I guess it would be very natural that a woman would be more likely to seek a stable relationship for her kid to grow in. She simply has more invested (or atleast the potential).

    Ofcourse we men are sexual pricks. We can just pack up and leave. What have we got to lose? a bit of self-esteem? oh the agony. That’s why I LOVE and ADORE parents. BOTH sides the men AND the women. Women because of their natural predicament and the men for choosing to be there anyway.

    But I strayed. so why do guys find it easy to love more women? I’d guess its because of the same reason above, because they can I suppose.


  16. AyyA
    Sep 29, 2005 @ 08:41:00

    Yes, men are more animalistic but I don’t believe that it’s due to genetics or any other physiological differences; I believe it’s most likely due to conditioning.

    Very convincing and true

    Welcome aboard dear, the place is yours, so feel free to drop by anytime. I love to have your insight here.


  17. vinus
    Oct 01, 2005 @ 13:27:00

    hi ayya i love ur photos it nice keep on doing this i hope u a good luck


  18. AyyA
    Oct 02, 2005 @ 11:16:00

    Thanks vinous and welcome aboard 🙂


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    Nov 03, 2007 @ 16:27:29

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  20. Amine
    Feb 28, 2008 @ 21:03:33

    Hello; Pardon me but I disagree with poeple who say that men are more animalistic than women , maybe it is competely the opposite ; Generally speaking ,since men tend to show their instincts and feelings(esp.the sexual ones),they ”seem ”more ”animalistic”on the contrary;MOST women have that tendency to hide everything concerning sex and fantasies because of traditions and social rules ;thing doesn’t mean that they are angels. Bye


  21. Medusa
    Aug 15, 2008 @ 03:05:34

    Women are trained to stick to one partner. Give them the same liberty they will be about as wanton as men with the exception that they might actually love all their multiple partners whereas men are emotioally vacuous, their promiscuity revolves around their perverted pleasures. Women tend to emtionally experiment with multipartners, u might think u love one person, but as much fond of other men, however, when it come to spending their lives, they tend to be fastidious about their selections, I read this in playboy one hehe.. 😉 Personally I don’t see how a person could willingly contract themselve for the dedication of one. I find it against nature, if not, against the pursuit to be freedom, and even punish those who don’t stick up to their partners, what are they being punished for exactly? that they are not free to choose!! Anyway, promiscuous women face more than nature, they are socially persecuted and labled as whores. Trust me there’s nothing more intimidating to men than women who are free to love, and simply don’t five two fucks. Talk about seriously messing up their psyche hehe They could love about anyone at any time. It’s just the nature of women to love collectively 🙂


    • some gurl
      Dec 14, 2010 @ 10:46:46

      i feel that you are so right. Girls are raised since childhood to find ONE prince charming, and that he will be our happily ever afters; and how to be the ideal house wife. We learn this with our fairytales and princess stories. They sell little girl fantasy dream houses (as if we know the true cost of a house at 5 yrs old); baby dolls to naturally get us into wanting to be a mother; kitchen stuff to play with, babrie make-up, etc.
      You don’t see boys boasting about about how good they’ll treat their wives and how hard they’ll work for women, instead men are raised to play with macho action dolls, cars, robots, and things that have nothing to do with falling in love.
      All of the girl things they sell is to enhance our abilities to find that ONE guy that’ll supposedly makes us happy. We are taught this at a young age and sometimes its all a girl will ever know; some girls (like myself) tend to break out of that “submissive” thing and do what our body wants.
      I think that (and you dont have to agree with me) that all a girl wants is attention. A girl since young age is taught to have to be beautiful, desirable, and wanted. we become narcissitic of our inner beauties and wants a man to desire us for it. We just love the fact of; being wanted, and will appreciate those in return for figuring us out and giving us the attention.


  22. AyyA
    Aug 15, 2008 @ 11:27:30

    LOL Medosa
    I did not see that coming


  23. Medusa
    Aug 15, 2008 @ 18:22:56

    Ayya, I used to like one person, now i try to construct him.

    Men are emotionally vacuous, but are fragile as well. They are extremely jealous of and towards women who do as they please. It scares them shitless.

    Women loving colletively is their nature. I say this because they exhibit motherly features. You an train them to love one, I’ve seen married women who are lifted up by the fondness of other men. They fantacize, and appreciate beauty and uniqueness of other men!

    Women are loving, look for love, and will return it back in one form or the other. It part of being mothers.

    Women emphathize with lost ones of strangers, they show love and nurture towards strange children, they look at war and conflicts personally, as if it is their beloved that dies. Women are more spiritual, they interpret religion in it’s milder forms.

    The society trains them as we know because some one must play the master and the other the slave!!! Actually because religions remaining nowadays as well as social structures are based on the superiority of men or have completely eradicted the feminine face of society and god.

    I look at cocky men, who think are undeterred, it melts aways with their strive for lust, and temporal love, i see them tranform pathetic slaves of lust, with all the begging and humility. Men will love their mothers, and fool around with selfish love. This why I know for a fact that sluts, women of generous love end up getting the very best of men. Lol 😉

    I’ve read for thinkers and authors who try to emopower women by reviving goddess worship and witchcraft. Original cultures centered around sacredness of women, Earth, gaia the mother whose love encompasses all.


  24. Monique
    Feb 09, 2009 @ 01:40:08

    You guys are funny. Amazing how this is an international problem.

    My view is that psychology has actually got nothing to do with it, we humans forget we are animals who have instincts. In the past it was the same, except everybody lived further apart and possibly in small villages so there wasn’t so much choice back then as there is now, The men would try to get in with anything female that happened to walk near its vicinity and the female would either ignore him (which would possibly make him even more interested) or if she liked him, enjoy the attention. But never forget that she was the deciding factor on whether he would get lucky or not. There was s no pill back then, so think about it – I mean who wants kids from a dork, right?

    I am 47 years old now and grew up and have lived in South Africa most of my life. I met a “knight” recently who literally rode in on his lion (my luck), I’m not kidding he’s a guy I knew years ago and he works and lives with wild animals in Botswana.

    So my actual point here is, that no matter how much you analyse it all, men will never change and women should either give them a miss or try to live with the enivitable and endure.

    It has always been and will always still be “a man’s world” and us women should just sit back and let them believe it whilst doing our own thing at the same time.

    Kind regards


  25. James Bower
    Sep 07, 2009 @ 20:21:37

    Great blog, reading it through RSS feed as well


  26. James Bower
    Sep 08, 2009 @ 01:07:56

    Sorry for the double post, just wanted to let you know that i think something is wrong with the RSS feed of your blog and you might want to check it out, thanks


  27. heeeeyyy
    Jun 01, 2011 @ 09:08:23

    Male and female sexual psychology is actually very straight forward despite the mysticism society shrowds it in. You’re own experiences have lead you to personal theories which are actually only partially accurate. I will do my best to sum up the reproductive strategies of both genders, but if you really want a more vivid description, read the book Sperm Wars.

    The most effective reproductive strategy for a male would be to have a monopoly on multiple females while having casual sex with single women and women in relationships. Men unable to do this, fit into two camps: those that can get sex easily but can’t keep a woman and those that have trouble getting sex from women but can have healthy relationships with them. These men, will either have casual sex with single women and women in relationships, or they will commit to a woman and attempt to essentially bribe her into having his kid by providing for her in every way. If a guy isn’t able to do any of the above mentioned, he will be pretty desperate. This is why prostitutes and probably rape exist.

    Female psychology is more complicated. But also easily understandable in terms of evolutionary psychology. The best case scenario for a woman would be to have the most attractive man they know of commit to them and provide for them. They would also have plenty of male friends who could easily replace this first man if he was ever killed, injured, etc. Also these male “friends,” if properly manipulated could provide resources and defense. Women unable to do this will adopt a mixed mating strategy in which they seek a provider and have sex with another man whom they find more attractive (he would have better genes). This is usually subconscious.
    Women unable to do any of the above will attempt to have casual sex with men whom they find attractive but will not provide for them.

    This pretty much sums it up, but I’d honestly suggest two things: reading the aforementioned book “Sperm Wars.” And talk to your male friends about this subject. Guys who can get sex and guys who can’t. And talk to girls who don’t get cheated on. I pretty much figured all of this out just because I’m an extremely social person. But it matches up with contemporary theory in evolutionary psychology.


  28. AyyA
    Jun 01, 2011 @ 19:55:48

    Hey heeeeyyy
    Thanks for sharing, and also for the book, I would probably get it soon when I finish with my list.
    Anyway; I do agree with you 100%, this post was written sometime back before reading into evolutionary psychology. The book that I found intriguing is ‘It’s Not You, It’s Biology: The Science of Love, Sex, and Relationships’

    And also ‘The Selfish Gene’—-Introduction/dp/0199291152/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306947141&sr=8-1



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