Could you be friends with your ex?

A question that enforced itself so many times on my mind;
If you had a long term relationship with someone and then for some reason you broke up but you still had feelings for each other, what will you do? Will you just stay away and forget him/her? Then how would you react if you run into him/her with someone else? Or would you rather keep your friendship and accept the new person in his/her life? And how do you think that this is possible?
I’ll leave you with that and fly to Malaysia, see you soon when I’m back in Kuwait, take care.

PS; the painting is “ Lonely” by Therdkiat Wangwarcharakul

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Papillona ®
    Sep 10, 2005 @ 12:16:00

    I don’t think it is possible unless you have no feelings for him at all and both of you had moved on. I believe it is healthy to stay friends but again, once it’s over it IS O V E R

    Reply

  2. The Don ®
    Sep 10, 2005 @ 12:52:00

    I have dated casually when I was younger, meaning went out with someone that didn’t stay long enough with her to develop a long term relationship or deep feelings to one another, that was the only time that I can say that we ended up to be good friends and used to have our birthdays together (we were few days apart), I met her boyfriend who became her fiancé and really liked the guy.. although he never knew we were intimate ( I mean it’s water under the bridge, and things worked out to the best..)

    But in case of having intimate feelings to one another, it’s a different story, it has to end up of someone getting jealous and someone getting hurt.. so no.. I think it’s not a good idea to torment your self with a friendship that would be full of agony and pain from both sides..

    Reply

  3. shosho
    Sep 10, 2005 @ 13:45:00

    ayya:
    – I don’t believe in a friendship with an ex, because it tends to be a coverup of hopes of reunion, which are extremely unrealistic.
    – I think the best way to react when one encoutners an ex with someone else is to pretend to be blind.

    Reply

  4. - snookie -
    Sep 10, 2005 @ 14:06:00

    oh no.. noway.. theres too much history and plus, there will always be some feelings towards that person.. doesnt mean theyre feelings of “love”.. its just that u still care for that person.. cheers! 🙂

    Reply

  5. Ms.Baker
    Sep 10, 2005 @ 17:53:00

    Really, I don’t think it is possible to be real friends. You can be “friendly” if you like, but if you have any kind of feelings for them, then seeing them with another will break your heart. It is best to make a clean break, it’s less messy, less confusing, I guess. But there are always exceptions to everything in life, nothing is EVER written in stone…

    Have a safe trip to “Malaysia, truly Asia” and back home, Ruby 🙂

    MsB

    Reply

  6. كرزة تشتهي شفتاه
    Sep 11, 2005 @ 09:43:00

    After A Long thinking , If i Could I would !

    Reply

  7. ولاّدة
    Sep 11, 2005 @ 12:25:00

    يقول الشاعر
    مرّ الهوى في سلام
    فلنفترق أصدقاء
    ……

    الحزين وغير المفهوم هو حين ينتهون ألد الأعداء

    Reply

  8. TariqKhonji
    Sep 11, 2005 @ 15:14:00

    It is definately possible but only if you no longer have feelings for the person…I was able to remain friends with all my ex’s except one…In this case I can’t stand to be in the same room with her…
    Of course a full blown relationship is a totally different thing from what they call, ahem, ‘Italian friends’, if you know what I mean.

    Reply

  9. Shopaholic Q8eya
    Sep 11, 2005 @ 22:50:00

    If both are mature enough, they can be. The thing with most people is there will always be this thing between them. Especially when they feel lonely and are desprate to find someone.

    Reply

  10. MissCosmoKuwait
    Sep 12, 2005 @ 10:37:00

    ok..here’s what happens…if you’re the one breaking up because you have good reasons to do so…you have to cut it cold turkey right then and there…or else it’ll be a roller coaster ride…then after a few months…you bump into him…your heart sinks…it’s natural..doesn’t mean you still care…it’s just a shock that you get over a few hours later…then like after five years…you know you have absolutely no feelings whatsoever for him…THAT’s when you know you can be friends…mind you…when it’s a male friend…unless he really can’t stand you…he’ll still try to win you back…not because he cares..but for his ego….Hope this answers your question..:)

    Reply

  11. TariqKhonji
    Sep 12, 2005 @ 12:11:00

    “he’ll still try to win you back…not because he cares..but for his ego….”

    Or for old time’s sake…

    Reply

  12. غريب
    Sep 12, 2005 @ 14:26:00

    أوله عليك ياقمر ماشي
    طول غيابك وضن كافي
    أرجع تري لك بالحشي بيت
    أرجع وشوف بهجرك وش سويت
    رساله حبرها أحساسي
    وعنوانها أضن حبيبتي كافي

    Reply

  13. Jewaira
    Sep 12, 2005 @ 16:37:00

    Hope you’re having a great time in Malaysia.

    As for your question, I think people have to be very honest with themselves about the purpose of continuing a ‘friendship’ after the love has gone.

    If you can’t handle seeing your ex with someone else, then cut it off completely. Why go through misery?

    On the other hand, some relationships do move on to be quite special and ‘mature’

    Reply

  14. fractal00
    Sep 13, 2005 @ 10:10:00

    Some say you can some say you can’t, i say it depends on the couple. I was never able to stay friends with my ex, some of them wanted that but the majority didn’t. So basically it depends on the people.

    Reply

  15. kuwaitigirl
    Sep 13, 2005 @ 12:04:00

    relationship with an ex..is difficult…especially if you still have feelings for him…or he for you

    Reply

  16. Hanan
    Sep 13, 2005 @ 21:28:00

    Have fun in Malaysia. And if you see and ex there, say hi 🙂

    good discussion. hard to argue for either case. it all depends on the couple, but in most cases I’d agree with MsBaker, you can be friendly, not friends.

    Reply

  17. Shurouq
    Sep 13, 2005 @ 23:46:00

    Miss Cosmo,
    Your comment was an eye opener. Thank you.

    Ayya,
    Back yet?

    Reply

  18. Peach
    Sep 14, 2005 @ 01:43:00

    I think it’s manageable if no intense feelings still linger. Of course we’re talking about a rational couple here who respect each other and who have agreed to try and work it out as friends. If, however there is an ego problem, like Miscosmo suggested, then you turn the page and close the book. I believe this could be applied to both men and women however. I mean come on, how many chicks out there’ve wanted guys bk just cuz they couldn’t handle being dumped?

    By the by Ayya, I have a new post I need you opinion on. Looking forward to it in fact 😉

    Reply

  19. AyyA
    Sep 14, 2005 @ 07:51:00

    I guess I can sum up your general views as impossible to be friends with an ex especially when there are still feelings involved, and although I always believed in friendship with an ex, after all lovers were intimate friends at one point, so why can’t they stay friends? It’s a sign of maturity as Jewaira had mentioned. But you guys make a lot of sense; it made me look at the issue from a different perspective, good tip MssCos, and Hanan; thanks God I did not see an ex here LOL, thank you all, you were wonderful.

    Ghareeb
    Thanks sweetie, I loved it and I will be back soon 🙂

    Shurouq
    I’m back in Bangkok and happily wrapping up to go back to Kuwait, I miss my country and miss you all.

    Peach
    I will inshalla ASAP when I get back

    Reply

  20. TariqKhonji
    Sep 18, 2005 @ 16:57:00

    Another reason you can’t be friends with your ex is time…
    A lot of times exes expect you to spend the same amount of time or almost the same calling them, talking to them, meeting, etc.
    and its impossible to do that with an ex especially if you are going out with someone else.

    Reply

  21. AyyA
    Sep 18, 2005 @ 17:18:00

    True, but if he/ she settles to being a friend, then he/ should understand that it’s not the same as it used to be and that the other would eventually date someone else and therefore they won’t have that time together, but I guess this is easily said but very hard to apply, it might even creat a problem with the new relationship.

    Reply

  22. AyyA
    Nov 01, 2005 @ 15:49:00

    Thanks Malmusic for sharing your experience, and you are right it’s very hard. But your situation is milder since you met her alone and she just confided in you. What will you do if you had to run into her with her new partner constantly because of your mutual community of acquaintance; say family and friends? How many invitations can you reject because you suspect that she will be there? Not to mention the chance that you might run into her.

    Reply

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