HABIT ONE; Be Proactive(part two)/ the7HHEP

“To age does not matter, but taking

on matters you will age”

Brahma Kumaris

The proactive model:
In my last post I tried to present a problem as an example of showing different ways of responses to a stimulant, and have shown that between stimulus and response there is a free zone to make a unique choice that belonged only to me with no other influence from others.

This free zone is a combination of our self awareness, our imagination, our conscience and our independent will. We can use all our natural abilities to reprogram ourselves totally apart from our instincts and training, to stop being reactive and start being proactive.There are three maps of determinisms that conditions the way we see our image:
1- Genetic determinism; ” I got my hard temper from my great grandfather”
2- Psychic determinism; ” my parents always said that I was good for nothing”
3- Environmental determinism; ” my boss is driving me crazy, and when I go home I have to take it all on my family”
If the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the current social mirror or paradigm and from the opinions, perceptions of others, then the vision is disjointed and out of proportion.
All the above maps are based on the stimulus-response principles (I mentioned in the last post), in other words; the way I respond when I am stimulated by a particular problem or a certain situation is predetermined by the way I was conditioned.
But how accurately and functionally does this mirror describe the territory; me!!!

Proactivity defined:
As human beings, we are responsible for our lives.
Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.
We can subordinate feelings to values.
We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.


But how can we become proactive?
First we have to reprogram ourselves and remember that it is not what happens to us that hurt us; in fact our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character and develop the internal powers. It is the way we let the situation act on us instead of us acting to make the best of that situation.

Then let’s take the initiative, and to do that we have to recognize our responsibility to make things happen, and start being the solution to the problem instead of being a part of that problem, and in this case the maturity level of the individual has to be taken into account. We can’t expect high creative cooperation from those who are deep into emotional dependence. The more emotionally dependant we are the longer it takes us to take the initiative.

We have to watch our own language; our language comes from the basic paradigm of determinism. And the whole spirit of it is the transfer of responsibility. A reactive language becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. They blame outside forces, other people, circumstances, even the weather for their own situation.
Sentences like:
there is nothing I can do about this“, “that’s just the way I am“, “he makes me so mad“, and “I don’t know how to do this” etc.
The proactive language on the other hand is more like:
Let’s look at our alternatives“, “I can chose a different approach“, “I control my own feelings“, “I can create an effective presentation“,” I will try my best to find out how to do this“, and “I chose not to participate” etc.

Expand our circle of influence: we have to also be cautious not to let the circle of our concern; things like family, children, spouse, work, or other stimulants such as weaknesses of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which we have no control overlap our circle of influence. We have to believe that by choosing the positive response to the circumstance we affect the outcome of our circumstance.
Proactive people focus their effort in the circle of influence. They work on things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their circle of influence to increase. The proactive approach is to change from inside out, to be different, and by being different, to affect positive change in what’s out there: “I can be more resourceful, “I can be more creative“, and “I can be more cooperative“. If I want to improve my situation I can work on the one thing I have control; myself.
I can stop trying to shape up everybody else and work on my own weaknesses.

But how does a proactive person deal with circumstances:
The proactive behavior is governed by principles. Living in harmony with them brings positive consequences. They give themselves the freedom to choose the response in any situation, but in doing so; they choose the attendant consequence and try to make the best of the situation. And their approach to a mistake is to acknowledge it instantly, correct and learn from it. This literary turns a failure into success.
So let’s start being proactive, let’s make and keep our commitments;

Make a promise and keep it,

set a goal and work to achieve it.



(PS; This post is a continuation of the last post. Your questions, enquiries as well as participation are highly appreciated 🙂 )

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10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Purgatory
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 16:47:00

    I am a proactive person (hate idiots) but not sure how I became this way, if it was genetics or surroundings, or maybe a bit of both.

    Also, how come you have a woman climbing towards stimulus on the left hand side! is that sending us a signal, or is it another para-digam (pron. digam in arabic as in buttons)of yours :P?

    Reply

  2. AyyA
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 17:45:00

    Purgy
    We are all proactive by nature, but we were conditioned to be otherwise.
    You guessed it right Purg; that women in the picture is me trying to climb up and stimulate you LOL

    Reply

  3. Purgatory
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 18:34:00

    I knew it! behave 🙂

    Reply

  4. AyyA
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 18:54:00

    YES SIR 🙂

    Reply

  5. Jewaira
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 18:56:00

    So what happens when you have always been proactive but finally succumb to circumstances and turn bitter?
    Your posts are v inspiring. Do keep it .

    Reply

  6. Purgatory
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 19:10:00

    what is with the name change?

    Reply

  7. AyyA
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 21:11:00

    Jewaira
    Thanks for the encouragement dear
    Take circumstances one at a time, do not cram them. Analyze each with a paradigm shift and see how you can best benefit from them. See where the weaknesses are and where are the strengths. And remember there are palpable benefits like a promotion, or a raise and other embedded benefits that builds the expertise; you. We think it is natural for us to give in with the bitterness of the circumstance, yes it is easy to do that, and no one would blame us. But it takes much more energy and hard work to benefit from the outcome of the circumstance. And after analyzing a situation, if I resigned to the fact that there is no chance for me to change the outcome, at least I try to live with it the best I can and not allow it to distract other dimensions of my life.
    One more thing we have to remember is that at times of our most dilemmas we discover our internal strength.
    The other habits which we will be discussing soon will help give us the tools to accomplish our own effectiveness.

    Purgy
    Wallah I was waiting for this comment from you LOL
    Let me put it this way; a dear friend of mine who has been away and came back gave me this nick and I’m celebrating his return 🙂

    Reply

  8. Purgatory
    Mar 01, 2005 @ 00:36:00

    interesting that you thought I out of everyone else would notice this change!

    Reply

  9. Peach
    Mar 01, 2005 @ 22:29:00

    That’s all very good, but I find it hard not to get effected by the invironment around me. for example if I hear an argument with loud voices I get depressed even if I have nothing to do with it. How can you be proactive about that?

    Reply

  10. AyyA
    Mar 01, 2005 @ 23:29:00

    Ok let me put my psychic hat; just have a complete shut down. LOL
    No seriously, I have developed a way to deal with that, my ears would just shut off and my mind just wanders around space. I can see the argument in front of me, and don’t want to participate, so I just don’t hear a thing, and that’s why they call me spacey 🙂

    Reply

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