HABIT ONE; Be Proactive (part one) / the 7HHEP




Henry David Thoreau

Between Stimulus and Response there is Choice
I had an e-mail from a blogger directing my attention to a blog where apparently its owner has started it for pure gossip. In one of his recent posts he slashes other bloggers with his lashing words as some type of self satisfaction. And in his comments with other two bloggers (who turned out to be one person using two nicks and two blogs) he invented his own knowledge about me, mentioning me by name and cursing me in public. This made me go through others bloggers sites and to my surprise I have found some irresponsible, closed minded, provocative bloggers who claimed to be the god sent saviors to humanity and their blogs stung with prejudices and hate to all what is different than what they believe. This did not surprise me a bit, people like that are striving for attention, but what bothered me is to see some honest, educated, honorable and well known bloggers fall into their trap and get aggravated by their posts,
These bloggers stimulated me. Then what should be my response?
Shall I react hostilely and go on their blogs and cuss them just the same? Or shall my reaction be to dedicate a post for cursing them? What should be my response?
Between stimulus and response there is always a space and that space is the freedom to choose. And for me to be able to make the right choice I had to think of all the elements involved (at least the ones I have available):
1- I don’t know these people and they don’t know me, yet they did not hesitate to judge my personality through their narrow lens and their own paradigm.
2- Everyone has the freedom to write whatever they want on their own blogs so long that it does not violate the freedom of others.
3- Some new comers are striving for attention, they write provocative posts just to be noticed ( khalif to3raf)
Now, when these elements are clearly set before my eyes, I chose my response to be Proactive and not Reactive.
I chose to ignore them and not pay them any attention because if I did, then they would get what they wanted in the first place.
Then why am I posting about it now?
Three reasons
1- I care about the others, the bloggers who got aggravated and participated in commenting on those blogs. The educated ones with high manners who were trying hard in their dispute to put some sense into those senseless heads.
2- To send a message to those bloggers that there is etiquette in dealing with any subject in public and in case you don’t know about that, please check this link and learn some manners.

3- The most important reason: To use this incident as an example in my attempt to define the first habit of highly effective people; Be Proactive.

By doing all that I have chosen not to be reactive but be proactive. To use a live example (and the timing was pure accident), I have created a tool for a noble goal of what seemed to be a distressing episode.

Proactivity is a natural trait in human beings, reactivity on the other hand is a product of conditioning. We have grown to see ourselves in the eyes of others, if they approve of our physical appearance or actions then that make us feel good. If they don’t then we are miserable. But judging ourselves in the eyes of others is like seeing our reflection in a river, the picture is highly distorted. And to be able to see ourselves clearly, we need to have our own mirrors; we need to be our own judges away from system conditioning.
So next time you get a stimulus, think, ponder and chose to be proactive.(To be continued)
(PS; This post is a continuation of the last post. Your questions, enquiries as well as participation are highly appreciated 🙂 )

Posted by Hello


15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Purgatory
    Feb 27, 2005 @ 18:36:00

    Yeah I can see how outdated the slide is, you mention man while it is nowadays person 🙂

    As for being proactive and reactive, I need more examples to explain what you mean besides your blogging incident.


  2. AyyA
    Feb 27, 2005 @ 18:50:00

    Yes Purgy the slide was used was done about six years back :p
    And there is more to come, that’s why I titled the post as Be Proactive( part one), so stay tuned buddy
    But tell me, how did you like my response? 😉


  3. Peach
    Feb 27, 2005 @ 19:10:00

    Purg this might help.

    Reactive people:
    – are easily offended.
    – blame others.
    – get angry & say things they later regret.
    – whine & complain.
    – wait for things to happen to them.
    – change only when they have to.

    Jee that so sounds like me 😉

    Proactive people:
    – are not easily offended.
    -take responsibility for their choices.
    – think before they act.
    – bo9unce back when something bad happens.
    -always find a way to make it happen.
    -focus on things they can do something about, and don’t worry about things they can’t.



  4. AyyA
    Feb 27, 2005 @ 19:37:00

    Thank you Peach, you have been very helpful


  5. Purgatory
    Feb 27, 2005 @ 20:21:00

    Rabab, I only commented on the parts I wanted to comment on 🙂

    Peach, you must have the book somewhere 😛


  6. Peach
    Feb 27, 2005 @ 22:56:00

    Any time hon 😉

    PurrrrGat, Nope 😉 but like I said before I have “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens”, by the authors son; Sean Covey.


  7. UzF
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 05:26:00

    like real world, internet has all walks of people; and one day or another each one of us will bump into people with the weirdest ideas and attitudes..

    my question though (regarding this habit), is at which point a person is not considered proactive as much as being negative – meaning not having any response to the situation/stimulant?

    (hehe this is only habit ONE which im not getting; alla y3eena 3al baji :P!)


  8. Peach
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 10:32:00

    bil 3aks! thats a good question, I join my voice in asking.


  9. AyyA
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 10:34:00

    Good question dear
    Not having a response to a stimulant could also be a proactive choice, if the person analyses the situation and decides that it is to his benefit not to take an action. It is only a reactive choice (negative) if by not taking any action, he becomes sour and let that response take hold of his other actions and behavior.
    Let’s analyze this example:
    Ahmad and Ali are two freshly graduate Engineers. They have both joined the ministry for different reasons. Ahmad is a goal oriented individual, he has this dream to have his own consulting office one day, and by joining the ministry he was hoping that he would get a sound experience in his field through learning government routine and dealing with other private consultants. Ali on the other hand, was happy enough that he got this job and that he has a source of income that would provide for him and his family, no long term plan or goal on his mind. To their disappointment they both found themselves in a department overloaded with personnel and not many projects. Their boss promised them that he will assign them projects in due time, but never did. They both found themselves having to stay hours at a desk with nothing to do. Now let’s see how each of them responded.
    Ahmad got around the department, visited other engineers and consultants, asked questions and tried to get to know how they were conducting their work, and in the process asked if he could be of any help since he did not have anything else to do, and after taking permission from his boss, he got himself involved in tasks to pass his working hours and at the same time he found areas that needed improvement and wrote reports to his boss and started researching and soon found himself loaded with work, important work that other engineers did not have time to accomplish due to their day to day demands.
    Ali on the other hand joined other employees for coffee and tea and spent his day chatting and complaining about the system.
    Now Ahmad is a good example of proactivity, while Ali was only reacting.


  10. Purgatory
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 12:39:00

    I like Ali 🙂 ministry and work, why bother!


  11. Beatnik
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 15:34:00

    yeeeeeey am proactive most of the time. am so proud of myself. still there is more to learn, thanks Rabab now i can read the damn book and get it.


  12. AyyA
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 16:40:00

    I knew you would say that LOL
    And it’s your choice buddy 🙂


  13. AyyA
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 17:13:00

    Knowing you dear, I’d say you’re one hell of a proactive woman, keep on reading girl 🙂


  14. Jewaira
    Feb 28, 2005 @ 19:03:00

    I am glad that you chose to respond in such a way. It certainly shows how positive and proactive you are as a person 🙂


  15. AyyA
    Mar 01, 2005 @ 02:09:00

    Thanks Jewaira
    And believe me it feels good and I do not regret it.


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