Rain Depression

Thought of today:

If I keep the weaknesses of others in my mind, they soon become a part of me

As I sit watching the rain through my balcony door, all memories down on me, why do I always get depressed when it rains? I kept fooling myself that it’s all past and gone, or is it really gone? Why all these “whys” don’t leave me alone?

Why amidst my loneness you appear? Why is it so hard to forget? Why didn’t you leave a space in my heart for another? Why did you hurt me? Why can’t I hate you? Why the last night of us together keeps buzzing in my head? Why did you ask me not to ever leave you? Why our last chant of “la ilaha ila allah, Mohamad rasoul allah” did not reunite us? Why are you back now? Why can’t I go back now? Why do I keep torturing myself? Why do I miss you so much? Why am I writing this? Why….. Posted by Hello


Fire-Breathing Dragon in My Brain, by Julie Seyler
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23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Purgatory
    Jan 22, 2005 @ 21:01:00

    What is about the la ilah ella allah thing?

    Reply

  2. AyyA
    Jan 23, 2005 @ 10:09:00

    I’m hallucinating Purg

    Reply

  3. Patricia
    Jan 23, 2005 @ 11:28:00

    My sweet girl, before I read your blog i was watching the picture and i felt that your are not feeling ok and your mind is all mixed up with diffrent thoughts or memories i can say. So I said let me read and find out &…. Why !!!!
    Well telling you the truth I love the rain and it gives me very espacial feeling and happines which lets me to go out and drive my car to feel the weather and will feel more and more if i met my friends or my guy on a day like this.
    It is true that most of the time it is letting us to miss our lover which we are missing them all the time or wish to be with him at that day also remembering all the small things like why , why,,,,,
    Sweetie I would say only that in that moments take your care and go somewhere which will makes you to feel ok and happy and don’t let anything to change your mood.
    Anyway there is lots of things which we can right about the rain and our feelings but the important thing is to be happyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    Reply

  4. ولاّدة
    Jan 23, 2005 @ 13:18:00

    الجواب
    لأننا بشر

    نعم رباب … حتى وإن ارتدينا رداء الحكمة وإزار المنطق
    يظل في داخلنا طفل صغير يرفض التمنطق…لذا لاتوجهي أسئلة لمشاعرك فقط استجيبي لها وأعذري نفسك

    Reply

  5. Jewaira
    Jan 23, 2005 @ 14:40:00

    In truth, the rain brings out our innermost longings – a desire for something long lost, gone, or not ours anymore. Enjoy those feelings Rabab.

    Reply

  6. AyyA
    Jan 23, 2005 @ 20:53:00

    Patricia , ولاّدة بنت المستكفي , Jewaira
    Thanx buddies for the support, but as you said we are humans, and no matter how much we try to escape the past and try to go on with our lives, it’s just that eerie times when all come down at once and we get this longing to a special one. I usually don’t like to burden others with my glooms and try as much as I can to bring the smiles on others face coz I know for sure that others have their share as well. I don’t know why, but when I wrote this it actually was a bit of a relief.
    Problem is; I can’t think of anything to post and my mind is in a complete chaos.

    Reply

  7. nazzal
    Jan 23, 2005 @ 23:38:00

    Hellooo ruby

    When u come to know the answer of any one of them PLEASE , help me out
    Yet putting them all togather (all the”why’s”) the picture becomes clearer , and the answer is because YOU ARE ALIVE . So if anybody is without them allah ysa3dah w yr7mah ….. keep the why’s coming and my dear ill cry with you !!!

    i guess Julie Seyler ment my as Nazzal’s brain
    loved the painting

    Reply

  8. practical
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 00:16:00

    the painting is really cool, you’d appreciate it more if you are stoned and while at it think of all the whys, i was able to come up with interesting answers

    Reply

  9. AyyA
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 01:28:00

    Nasal,
    Ohhhhh thank you, I think I need a shoulder to cry on once and a while

    Practical
    Stoned? Minain ya 7asra,
    If I could get stoned I wouldn’t even contemplate the “whys”

    But stay around buddy, more photos to stone you ;),
    welcome

    Reply

  10. mosan mosan
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 10:56:00

    1- I love the painting
    2- I love the rain
    3- I am sorry 4 acting selfish and thinking abt my problems only and seeing beyond.. I am here 4 you.
    4- nothing is worth it (easier said than done
    )

    Reply

  11. Jelly Belly
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 11:09:00

    Honey don’t be depressed, although I totally can relate how the rain could be depressing, I never was/will one of those people who dances in the rain…it brings out a lot of sad memories bas please cheer up honey and think of the sunny days ahead :*

    Reply

  12. DJ
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 11:59:00

    The rain is cleanses the earth, as tears cleans the soul.

    Reply

  13. Beatnik
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 20:06:00

    Rabab you can come get stoned with me anytime! I have the Devine Comedy at home and we can get down to it, really lol

    Reply

  14. مبتدئ
    Jan 24, 2005 @ 22:00:00

    أتعلمين أي حزن يبعث المطر؟
    وكيف تنشج المزاريب إذا انهمر؟
    وكيف يشعر الوحيد فيه بالضياع؟

    Reply

  15. lat
    Jan 25, 2005 @ 04:11:00

    Hi,
    I read your blog and was have to say that your unanswered questions are what I keep asking myself every single day…you’re not alone!

    Reply

  16. AyyA
    Jan 25, 2005 @ 11:55:00

    mosan mosan
    1- I can see why you loved the painting 😉
    2- I love the rain when I’m cuddled up with my sweetie.
    3- Love is never to say you’re sorry, remember? I know sweetie, you always were
    4- You’re worth it 🙂

    Jelly Belly
    J Bunny, I promise I won’t get depressed more often, inti bas tamneeni 3alaich.

    DJ
    I’ll try to remind myself that, thanx sweetie for the tip.
    Beatnik
    You made me an offer I can not refuse, name the place and time 😉
    مبتدئ
    Your haircut 3ala’ll moda song did help a lot buddy, nice poem, actually summarized all my post, brilliant 🙂

    lat
    Welcome, and sorry you had to stumble on one of my irregular posts. And ah, honestly, I do not give in to my “whys” often, thanks god for that, I think it’s just some circumstances that gather together and the sense of longing to a certain person just invades you.

    Jewaira
    I did not get it at first when you said enjoy it, I guess it’s because of the state of mind I was in, hey girl, that is enjoyable in a way, like the better sweet type a thing, thanx

    Reply

  17. AyyA
    Jan 25, 2005 @ 12:01:00

    Better = bitter

    Reply

  18. Peach
    Jan 25, 2005 @ 14:49:00

    I love u 😉 may I budge into ur heart and take a lil space for myself? I won’t take much room I promice 😉

    Reply

  19. AyyA
    Jan 26, 2005 @ 01:00:00

    Peach
    Sorry dear my heart is pre-occupied, LOL, no sweetie you have your own space there that no body can invade, only in a different location 😉

    Reply

  20. Peach
    Jan 26, 2005 @ 23:16:00

    Good enough for me 😉 I’ll hold my little space proudly and with love 😉

    Reply

  21. Beatnik
    Jan 27, 2005 @ 10:27:00

    yes yes we should meet one day. I will have to email you. otherwise I could be jailed for my offer if I say anything about it anymore on your blog! soon soon I hope. am a little lazy and my circumstances are horrible when it comes to meeting poeple and friends. semi-caged I am. no wonder am stoned sometimes. forgive me if am slow in everything.

    Reply

  22. AyyA
    Jan 27, 2005 @ 11:24:00

    Beatnik
    My dear lawyer to be, take your time honey, no need to rush things 😉

    Reply

  23. Beatnik
    Jan 28, 2005 @ 21:13:00

    A Lawyer on Canabbis shame on me! ba3deen meen sa7i la kul hal mashakel no? yidrabu uph

    Reply

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